How do I convince my wife to move to San Francisco?
My wife and I have lived in the Chicago area since we got married over 20 years ago. I absolutely hate, hate, hate, HATE it here, and the thought of living here much longer makes me literally suicidal.
I am a real outdoorsy person. I need to get out into wild country and enjoy some solitude and natural beauty. But within 200 miles of where we live there isn’t even a decent place to go camping or take a hike. (Believe me, I’ve looked very hard to find such a place. There’s nothing!) In fact, nothing but endless subdivisions and malls, surrounded by endless fields of corn and soybeans.
For complicated reasons, I had to work in the San Francisco area for an extended period a few years ago, and I really loved it. (She resented every day I was out there.) Northern California is everything Illinois isn’t. It’s paradise! In fact, any place on the west coast, from Santa Barbara CA to Vancouver BC would be a vast improvement in living conditions.
The problem is, my wife loves it here, and will not consider moving. She says the cost of living on the west coast is too high, we would both have to change jobs (actually, not a problem since we both have highly valuable skills). She says she doesn’t see anything wrong with living here, and, no matter how many times I explain my feelings, she can’t seem to understand why I’m not happy here. I’ve traveled with her to San Francisco on vacation to show her how beautiful it is, but she was unmoved by the experience.
At one point she agreed to move when our younger child finishes high school in a few years, but now she has made it clear that she has absolutely no intention of ever doing that.
So now I’m out of ideas. What can I do?
5 Responses
jellybeanchick
15 Feb 2010
Star
15 Feb 2010
You can’t if she doesn’t like California,the same as you feel about Illinois.Try a different state like Texas,Tennessee check different states on your vacation and whatever you decide be sure you have a job before you make the move.She should be willing to make you happy too.Good luck.
Josh
15 Feb 2010
I dunno, you’re asking her to give up her job and all her friends so you can go hiking . . . that’s a lot to ask.
EDIT — Here’s a thought: New York City. Even more urban and exciting than Chicago, but plenty of wild places to hike within a surprisingly short distance.
Kohaku
15 Feb 2010
Has she been to San Francisco?
If not, take her out on a vacation, show her all the beauty it has to offer, the Golden Gate Bridge, Japanese Tea Gardens, Haight street, all of the awesome cuisine it has to offer, and the lovely night life.
Even if she wants to stay in the suburbs you can do so in San Mateo (South Bay), or in the East Bay while still being about 30 minutes to S.F. there are very quiet places you can live in near there.
I’m sure if you show her what you love about it she will want to move with you. 😀
Good luck!
Edit: The people above are wrong, now is a great time if you have money. Houses are almost being given away, and if you have valuable skills it isn’t that hard to secure a job before you move.
gomanyes
15 Feb 2010
Sounds like you both have opposite lifestyles, and it’s going to be difficult to find a place that suits both of you. I’d suggest you stay put but take several vacations a year, that way you get to take in the scenery and go hiking and everything, and she gets to stay put.
"She resented every day I was out there"
That tells me there is a lot more going on here than just a disagreement about where to live. You might want to look into marriage couneling to work through these deeper issues.
At any right, you and your wife are both right. Yes,the west coast has fabulous outdoor activities. And that is why the cost of living is so high. And, valuable job skills aren’t a guarantee of a job unless you work in the medical field – California has been hit extremely hard by the economy, and a lot of people are actually moving east of here. At my company, they are currently hiring MS holders for jobs that are really for BS holders with no experience, and we are practically the only company in our industry hiring right now.