I’m 36, married 13yrs, have two kids, ages 4 & 8 and my Mom is upset with me?
Let me explain.
About a yr ago, my Mom’s best friends son announced he is getting married (he’s 38). We were childhood friends, but by the time we reached high school, he had his friends, I had mine and we drifted a-part. Besides, his wedding is in Northern California (Mid April) and I live in Chicago, IL. My Mom and Step Dad are flying out there and extending their trip, after the wedding to drive down the coast and visit my sister and her family.
For the past year, my inlaws have had a family vacation planned for us in Disney World, Florida (Late March). Very expensive, as were going during Easter time.
So, about 2 wks ago I told my Mom that we can’t swing the airfare and hotel to fly to CA for this wedding and she flew off the handle. She said, if you can afford to go to Disney World, you can afford to come to CA for this wedding. I disagree with her. I’m an Adult. I haven’t seen this guy in over 12 yrs. Ok, he invites me to his wedding, so what…
Your opinion? What do you think?
I’m a MAN, not a Women
17 Responses
katykates228
16 Feb 2010
Alyssa F
16 Feb 2010
you are looking out for what is best for your family. he hasnt been a part of your family, if he ever really was, for a long time now. she needs to come to terms with that fact. you have had plans for how long now and if she cant respect that, give her time and see if it blows over. thats the best i can do! enjoy your vacation tho! im sure the kids will love it.
luv2teach
16 Feb 2010
This is stricly my opinion, but I think you are a grown woman with your own family and responsibilities. You need to decide what your priorities are and what is best for your family. Don’t be guilted into something you really don’t want to do. I understand exactly how you feel, though, my mom has the same hold on me! If the wedding was for a close friend or family member, I would see the importance of you being there, but if you haven’t seen him in years, just use your best judgement! I would nicely point out to your mom that you can afford Disney World because you have been planning the trip and saving for it for a long time, but adding extra air fare and trip expenses would put a strain on you.
Good luck! I do not envy your position! Be strong and don’t doubt your decision!
tea_drinker
16 Feb 2010
I’m sure he won’t be that bothered if you aren’t close, he probably invited you partly because your parents were invited and didn’t want to seem rude by not inviting you. Don’t feel pressured to spend money you don’t have to go to a wedding that doesn’t mean very much to you.
Cecily A
16 Feb 2010
I agree with you. You had already planned this trip to Disney World. This wedding isn’t like your brother/sister getting married. It is someone you used to be friends with and haven’t spoken to in a while. I doubt he’ll be that hurt.
You said it… you’re 36, you’re and adult, and the most important thing for you is to take care of is your family. Would you rather keep your mother happy and go to this wedding, or see your children’s hearts break by not going to Disney World, which I’m sure they are so looking forward to since you’ve been planning for it? I certainly wouldn’t want to do that to my baby. Just my opinion.
ABSTRACTpoetic
16 Feb 2010
Dude, I wouldn’t be spending money I didn’t have to go to that wedding either since you basically don’t even know this guy anymore. I would guess your mom is not upset about you not being at the wedding. I think she’s mad that you and your family won’t be there for her to hang out with and see. Parents sometimes like to keep score of how much time, money, etc. they think you invest in your in-laws. They forget that just like in marraiage, you can’t keep score. I think you’re justified and you need to go have a fun vacation with your family. Maybe when your mom cools down you could let her know you would be there if it was possible financially, but since you can’t, you’d love to plan a vacation with her and that side of the family sometime down the road since you can’t swing it this year.
fizzy stuff
16 Feb 2010
I think you do not need to attend the wedding.
If you could afford it, it would be a good chance to visit your parents and your sister and her family. Maybe thats what your mom was hoping would happen. But no, its not necessary that you go.
Natty
16 Feb 2010
I wouldn’t pay your mom any mind. She doesn’t know obviously what she’s asking. I’m sure the groom (your friend) isn’t even sweating it that you can’t come. The bride and groom (as I am a bride) just have to roll with it when they see someone is unable to attend. Plus the trip was given to you so its not polite to just not go. Just go with your fam and dont worry about her. Tell her if she wants you to go to CA that bad that she’ll pay for you and your fam to fly there.
Flowers
16 Feb 2010
You said it "I’m an Adult". Your Mom is upset because it’s her BEST FRIENDS son’ wedding and as her son,you, she has it in her head that you should be there as she will be. Don’t worry she’ll get over it because she has NO right to expect you to do as she wishes, you are not a little boy and Mom need to RESPECT her ADULT son’ decision to do as he see fit!
Cher
16 Feb 2010
stop being
MaMa’s boy!!
mynxr
16 Feb 2010
Personally, I would send your regrets and a nice card to the couple. Then I would go on the family vacation that’s been planned for a year and enjoy yourself. As you said you don’t even know this guy anymore and have no contact with him in over 12 years. You are being invited because 1) they are inviting the entire family and 2) they want more gifts. I wouldn’t send a gift to this particular couple because there was no reason for him to invite you to begin with except to get a gift. You aren’t friends anymore. You don’t communicate. Pardon my French but WTF is he inviting you his wedding for in the first place.
Don’t waste your hard earned money. Spend it in Disney instead and have a great time!
CindyLu
16 Feb 2010
Tell mom to get her priorities straight. There is not reason for her to be upset about you missing a wedding for some one so distantly connected to you in any way. This is more about a power struggle between her and your inlaws. You went on a trip with them and like a child you mom is having a fit because you will not do the same for her. It has nothing to do with reason or with the wedding or the guy getting married. This is a power struggle. Try to let your mom be reassured that you are still in her life and that she is important and maybe plan to do something with her later on. I know it is childish and rather immature but this is what your mom is doing, trying to compete with the inlaws It is her problem not yours so try and remain calm
Sazzy
16 Feb 2010
More then likely you got asked to the wedding because you were once close friends once while you not now as your moms invited it would not look right if you were not invited!
Talk to her again
Tell her you can only afford one and it would not be fair to your in laws if you call this off now when they have been planing for a long time to go to the wedding of someone that you have not seen in over 12 yrs that even then you were not close to also tell her that if she is still upset tell her your sending him a hand written notes saying sorry you could not make it and also sending a gift if she is still mad ask her why is it so important to her you go?
Tammy
16 Feb 2010
I wouldnt worry about it.You’ve have your trip planned and Id go.Your mom will get over it.Or..say you’ll go is SHE pays the airfare and hotel lol
I doubt Id go if someone did pay my way.I mean..if you havent seen him in 12 yrs…thats a long time..people change.You both have changed …you probably dont even ‘know’ each other anymore.Dont worry about it J….
Crystal_Cutter
16 Feb 2010
do exactly as you see fit. you cant afford to do both and i agree thatthe wedding comes second.
you dont need to attend. just send ur rsvp and appologise but you cannot make it
you mom should be more understanding
besides its her best friends son. not your best friend
Natty
16 Feb 2010
I would say to just ignore your mom on this…she’ll get over it. Send the couple a nice card and maybe a gift, and leave it at that. You are an adult and can do what you want…sometimes, parents forget that, though.
Good luck and have fun in DisneyWorld!
wavers3
16 Feb 2010
Send him a gift, money…check.
Let your mom know you love her and think highly of her opinion but you just can’t swing it.
I sometimes get the feeling that when people who you have not seen or talked to in years invite you to their wedding there is often something behind it. Maybe he wants you to see that he has done well for himself or whatever the case may be. You are an adult, with a family of your own. Honestly, your children would most likely had a bad time and your wife may be bored with it too. Not to mention the fact that your in laws have had a trip planned for you and your family for the past year.
I get the feeling that you mom is ticked off because you are going to Disney with the in-laws and not to California with them. I don’t think its about that you are going to Disney I think its just the fact that you have decided to not go with your parents somewhere.
As far as this guy’s wedding goes, if you feel so inclined to , send a card, or even send a gift with your regrets for not being at the wedding. No need to explain why, though your mom may do it for you while she is there. Then go and ENJOY DISNEY WITH YOUR CHILDREN. They are at the best ages right now. So much more with mom being a little steamed for a while then missing out on those memories. I hope this helps you find a solution. Have a great time at disney.