What do you guys think of this story?
It’s going to sound kinda like a fairytale, but with the exception of the "happily ever-after" part. The story revolves around a witch and her beautiful daughter in an enchanted garden, adjacent to a forest, and a rich merchant and his son. The merchant sends his son every morning to the witch’s cottage, to obtain the witch’s herbs. And every morning, he sees the witch’s daughter, and falls madly in love with her. She’s not supposed to love. Once she does, the witch’s power fades. So, the witch travels to another place, to keep her daughter from the merchant’s son. But on the road, the witch dies. The young man and the witch’s daughter meet once more, on the road. She admits her love for him. They have no place to bury the old witch, and so they wrap her in a sack, and make a detour, back to the village. However, they don’t want to stop at an inn, lest someone there suspect something. So, the lad brings her home to introduce to his father! Big mistake!
When they get there, his father isn’t quite welcoming, and to test her, he asks a priest over to "bless" her mother’s body. To everyone’s horror, as they unwrap the sack, the witch has turned to earth–black earth–with a single stalk of a dead rose, it’s petals scattered over the dirt. The villagers gather and wish to burn the girl at the stake.
The young man rides off into the night with his lady-love, and his father unkennels the pack, in pursuit of them! They ride all night, with the villagers and hounds, hot on their heels, and they find themselves in a forest. They are able to throw them off-track by going into the forest. They rest by a brook, and they consumate their love, right there in the forest (meaning they made love).
They make love by the brook, on the forest floor. By morning, the girl discovers that the forest is the forest adjacent to their old home, and that her mother’s magic has not completely faded, and it was that magic that guarded and protected them through the night.
She wakes her lover, playfully, but alas! He died in the night, and she finds a huge thorn (its base the size of her thumb) imbedded in his heart. Alas, it was also her mother’s magic that killed him!
I’m working on it with a friend, for English class. It’s a short story. Tell me what you guys think.
2 Responses
Lynci
02 Apr 2010
aspiredwriter101
02 Apr 2010
very interesting. I liked it a lot "it started soft and BAM awesome". I wouldn’t recommend it to post it on the Internet someone might steal the idea but I’m glad i read it I was imagine it almost and i could see her declaring her love for him. It awful romantic.
Good Job.
I think that it is a fascinating concept for a story. I am assuming that you and your friend are writing it in a different format from your brief description of it. If you write it with emotion, suspense, dialogue, and detail, I think it will make an exciting and unique tale. What will the ending be? You aren’t just going to leave the merchant’s son dead, are you? You could have the girl discover that she has inherited her mother’s magic to be used by her for good so that she can resurrect her lover. Perhaps she could cause a rose to bloom from the thorn to restore him to life. What do you think? Good luck; if you are to receive a grade for the story, you should expect an A!