I think I am going to call it "Shattered Dreams". Please provide a lot of constructive criticism. There probably are grammar errors but just ignore them I will fix them later this is just a rough draft.
Here it is:
Intro:
Intro:
16 hours to go.
Callie climbed into the murphy bed at the hotel she was staying in, the Residence Inn, which was in just outside St. Louis, Missouri. She, reluctantly, was on her way to Ocean City, Maryland, which was on the Delmarva Peninsula.
She has been traveling with her mother, father, and twin sister, Jordyn, who also was going to be going to Blue Ridge, all the way from her farm in Wyoming. Callie was very upset. She loved the wide-open space, the smell of the cows, walking barefoot across the freshly tilled garden, and everything else about the farm. She hated the city, the ocean, and everything about Blue Ridge Academy, her new school. Nerd School to Callie.
Blue Ridge Academy was a school for very smart people, like Callie and Jordyn. Callie was also the 8th Grade’s Basketball teams star, the point guard, and was looking forward to playing on a college team, hopefully with a full-ride scholarship. Callie was fully expecting that scholarship, too. Until May 7th. She was entering High School the next year, already the starting point guard on Varsity Team. College Scouts were looking at her, hoping to get her on their Women’s basketball team in 4 short years. Until May 7th.
CHAPTER 1:
Indianapolis, Dayton, Columbus, Morgantown, Cumberland, Baltimore, Salisbury, The towns came and go, Callie not caring one bit, sulking, not saying a word while the rest of the family chatted about Blue Ridge, and how "great" it was supposed to be.
But to Callie, any place that does not have basketball can’t be great. Instead, Callie remembered all the wonderful times she had on the farm and on the court. Help delivering a cow, which she named Ellie, making the game winning basket at the state championship game, milking all the cows every morning, making the varsity team for the next year, which, now, she wouldn’t even get to play on, driving the tractor,walking across the soft earth barefoot, working in the fields all day, getting a farmers tan. She half-heartedly listened to her mother talking, and her sister asking questions about Blue Ridge.
"Mom, what time do classes start? Because you know I am not a morning person and can’t get up early, like Callie."
"All your classes are 1 and 15 minutes long, and you have 15 minutes between classes, and they start at nine, although you might not have one at nine, the schedule is like college, and you will have free periods. You will have 2-4 classes each day"
"Oh, ok, thats still way to early though."
"So are you going to try out for any sports?"
"You know I hate sports!"
"What about you Callie? Are you going to do any sports?"
Callie ignored her, like she had been doing since she had to leave, letting her mother know how she felt about this new school.
As they entered Ocean City, Callie became more and more upset, reality sinking in, harder than ever. Her Future as a Basketball star, gone forever, her days at the farm, gone until June, fresh cow milk every morning, home grown produce, going barefoot, feeling the soft earth on the tough soles of her feet, all gone until June, the school holidays.
They pulled into the parking lot at Blue Ridge, and found the office soon afterward, and Callie sulked as her mother got her schedule, dorm assignment, and textbooks, and Jordyn got her own, as she was not uspet about Blue Ridge at all.
This showed they truly were fraternal twins, Callie was a country girl, and a hard core athlete. Jordyn, on the other hand, hated the country, was super girly, and hated sports. It seemed like the only thing they had in common was that their parents, teachers, and friends thought they were geniuses.
They had skipped the second grade, and STILL everyone thought they were geniuses, but Callie didn’t think that she was, she was constantly confused in school, and didn’t even get all a’s. She got all A’s in the off-season, but during basketball season it was all b’s. Callie didn’t get why everyone thought she was so smart, when she wasn’t, she wasn’t dumb, but she wasn’t smart either.
They walked across campus, her parents and Jordyn admiring the ocean view, Callie loving it, but not showng it. She refused to give her parents any satisfaction.
"What dorm are two in?" asked Mom. Callie sat her suitcase and backpack down on the bench, took off her sunglasses and pulled out the folder with her schedule and dorm assignment. "That One" Callie said moodily at exactly the same time Jordyn said the exact same thing excitedly, as they both pointed at the same steel building right in front of them. It was the Amanda L. Wilkins dorm. All Blue Ridge dorms were named after the first teachers, who taught in 1993, when the school opened.
Callie did have to admit the dorm did look cool, Steel with a Blue Door and trim, and lots and lots of windows, all the way up to 9th floor. They entered the building and immediately felt the rush of cold air from the air conditioning. They took the elevator up to the 6th floor, stopping at the 5th floor when a scrawny little girl who looked like she was a 6th grader, got out with her parents.
The Threesome continued to talk, and found out that Elise was from Upstate New York. She had 3 brothers and 5 sisters. Her youngest brother, Jakob, and youngest sister, Edyn, went to public school in New York, and lived at home, as they were too young to attend Blue Ridge. Jeremy, 11, lived in the Benjamin A. Huebsch dorm. Kaelyn was 12 and has Autism, so she goes to a special school in New York for Autistic children. Her 13 year old sister Isabelle was in the Melissa D. Wible dorm. Living in the Adrienne L. Young dorm was her sister, Kristin. Off at college were Kylie and Mason, her oldest siblings.
Elise, Callie, and Jordyn went down to the Cafeteria, and had dinner, slices of pepperoni pizza, salad, and hot fudge sundaes. Callie didn’t finish her sundae, she didn’t like it because it was store-bought ice cream, and it wasn’t homemade.
They reached their own dorm, opened the door, and found one other girl already there, putting clothes in the closet. There was a set of bunk beds in one end, and two twin beds at the other. Callie and Jordyn sat their stuff on the twin beds, and introduced themselves to the other girl, whose name turned out to be Elise. Callie noticed that all her clothes were from name brand stores, most with tags still on them, and all very new looking. She glanced at her suitcase, stuffed full with clothes, none of them new, all at least a year old.
They started putting some of their own things away, too. Elise finished when they were halfway done, she told them they would go look at the campus when they were done, this was her first year also, as she plopped down on the huge 5-cushion couch, next to Callie’s mom. The couch was ocean blue, just like the curtains, doors, bunk beds and trim.
Full and tired, they went back to their dorm, and found their last roommate, asleep on the top bunk, dressed in black jeans with chains, black leather boots, a skin-tight black shirt, black nail polish and make up, and she had dyed black hair (the brown root tips showed at the part) and the palest white skin.
CHAPTER 2:
The dorm door closed, and as it did, the girl awoke. She glared at them and said "Why the hell did you wake me up?! I was trying to sleep!"
"In your clothes?!" asked Elise, bewildered.
"What, you want me to sleep naked or something?" the girl replied nastily.
"No, but most people wear pajamas," Elise retorted.
"Well, I am not "most people" am I?
"So who are you" Callie asked curiously.
"Brittany"
"Where are you from?" Elise questioned.
"Los Angeles"
"What up with all the black?" Jordyn interoggated.
The walls were painted a lighter sky-ish blue color, and the bed spreads were all the skyish blue color, too. They were the Colors of Blue Ridge Academy.
.
They went back to their dorm, and Callie laid on her bed and cried. Finally, she felt she could cry no more and sat up. She went and sat on the couch, next to Jordyn. Elise asked Callie if she was okay, and after Callie replied (I guess so…) Callie started questioning Elise.
"So, do you play any sports?"
"Yeah, I played basketball last year, but obviously not anymore, but I will tryout for volleyball and softball, softball is my absolute favorite sport!"
The thought got Callie on the verge of tears again, but she held them back this time.
"What position do you play in basketball? I play point guard, and I was supposed to be the starter on the varsity team back in Wyoming."
"I also play point guard, but I was probably only going to be on Freshman or JV team back home"
Brittany gave Jordyn a rude hand gesture and screamed back a nasty reply, and Jordyn and Brittany had an undecided agreement…to never speak to each other again.
Brittany ran back to her bed and jumped up on it, and threw both of her shoes at Jordyn, to show how angry she was. She turned then and faced the wall, so the others did not see her tears. She was furious with Jordyn! Why was it that nobody, nobody, not a single person, could understand her, and be her friend, and not tease her, and understand how much it hurt her when someone made fun of her being gothic! Being gothic doesn’t mean your a bad person! Everyone thought she was a horrible person, just because she wore black, but she really was a nice person!
Brittany gave Jordyn a rude hand gesture and screamed back a nasty reply, and Jordyn and Brittany had an undecided agreement…to never speak to each other again.
Brittany ran back to her bed and jumped up on it, and threw both of her shoes at Jordyn, to show how angry she was. She turned then and faced the wall, so the others did not see her tears. She was furious with Jordyn! Why was it that nobody, nobody, not a single person, could understand her, and be her friend, and not tease her, and understand how much it hurt her when someone made fun of her being gothic! Being gothic doesn’t mean your a bad person! Everyone thought she was a horrible person, just because she wore black, but she really was a nice person!
The Threesome continued to talk, and found out that Elise was from Upstate New York. She had 3 brothers and 5 sisters. Her youngest brother, Jakob, and youngest sister, Edyn, went to public school in New York, and lived at home, as they were too young to attend Blue Ridge. Jeremy, 11, lived in the Benjamin A. Huebsch dorm. Kaelyn was 12 and has Autism, so she goes to a special school in New York for Autistic children. Her 13 year old sister Isabelle was in the Melissa D. Wible dorm. Living in the Adrienne L. Young dorm was her sister, Kristin. Off at college were Kylie and Mason, her oldest siblings.
Elise, Callie, and Jordyn went down to the Cafeteria, and had dinner, slices of pepperoni pizza, salad, and hot fudge sundaes. Callie didn’t finish her sundae, she didn’t like it because it was store-bought ice cream, and it wasn’t homemade.
After Geometry, Callie and Elise headed to art, while Jordyn went to music. Art was also an easy class, the teacher, Mrs. Roberts, gave them paper and told them to draw a picture that represented their favorite part of thier summer. Callie drew a goat, cow, chicken, horse, duck, turkey and lamb, all the animals on her farm. The teacher explained that they would share their drawing the next class.
They then went to lunch, and after that to an assembly, where the gym teacher told them when fall sports tryouts would be held, and who the coaches of each team were, and how many people could be on each team. Callie, thinking about basketball, decided to do cross country to stay in shape, if for some reason she would be able to play basketball. Elise was trying to decide if she wanted to do volleyball, or cross country. Callie was desperatly trying to get Jordyn to do cross country, even if she did hate sports, she was a very good runner.
Full and tired, they went back to their dorm, and found their last roommate, asleep on the top bunk, dressed in black jeans with chains, black leather boots, a skin-tight black shirt, black nail polish and make up, and she had dyed black hair (the brown root tips showed at the part) and the palest white skin.
CHAPTER 2:
The dorm door closed, and as it did, the girl awoke. She glared at them and said "Why the hell did you wake me up?! I was trying to sleep!"
"In your clothes?!" asked Elise, bewildered.
"What, you want me to sleep naked or something?" the girl replied nastily.
"No, but most people wear pajamas," Elise retorted.
"Well, I am not "most people" am I?
"So who are you" Callie asked curiously.
"Brittany"
"Where are you from?" Elise questioned.
"Los Angeles"
"What up with all the black?" Jordyn interoggated.
Brittany gave Jordyn a rude hand gesture and screamed back a nasty reply, and Jordyn and Brittany had an undecided agreement…to never speak to each other again.
Brittany ran back to her bed and jumped up on it, and threw both of her shoes at Jordyn, to show how angry she was. She turned then and faced the wall, so the others did not see her tears. She was furious with Jordyn! Why was it that nobody, nobody, not a single person, could understand her, and be her friend, and not tease her, and understand how much it hurt her when someone made fun of her being gothic! Being gothic doesn’t mean your a bad person! Everyone thought she was a horrible person, just because she wore black, but she really was a nice person!
After a good nights sleep, for Jordyn, Callie and Elise anyway, they woke up and went to breakfast together, Jordyn and Elise complaining that it was way to early, Callie, wondering how they can be tired, after sleeping for 8 hours.
Brittany waited unitl they left, then applied lots of eye makeup to hide the fact she was up all night, crying. She then went down to breakfast, alone, and ate her pancakes, not tasting them at all, still frustrated, with Jordyn, and everyone else, and feeling very lousy, and hating herself.
After a meal of pancakes, the three girls headed of to Mrs. Wycoff’s Geometry class, in Wycoff Hall, which housed all the math classrooms. It was a small class, no more than 15 people, and all they did was learn names and talk about their summer.
After Geometry, Callie and Elise headed to art, while Jordyn went to music. Art was also an easy class, the teacher, Mrs. Roberts, gave them paper and told them to draw a picture that represented their favorite part of thier summer. Callie drew a goat, cow, chicken, horse, duck, turkey and lamb, all the animals on her farm. The teacher explained that they would share their drawing the next class.
They then went to lunch, and after that to an assembly, where the gym teacher told them when fall sports tryouts would be held, and who the coaches of each team were, and how many people could be on each team. Callie, thinking about basketball, decided to do cross country to stay in shape, if for some reason she would be able to play basketball. Elise was trying to decide if she wanted to do volleyball, or cross country. Callie was desperatly trying to get Jordyn to do cross country, even if she did hate sports, she was a very good runner.
That is all I have! And, I just want to know how ild you think I sound when I write, jut out of curiousity, to see if I sound older than I really am. This is my first that I have put on here, or any where and asked for opinions on, so I really want to know if people like it!
