What should I do in this situation?
I got married when I was 24 to my husband who was the same age in 2004. He decided unilaterally that he was going to grad school part time and didn’t work at all for the next 4 years…thus far he has not worked at all. He has also been extremely disrespectful in the past. Right after we got married, he tried to search for his ex (the one he lost his virginity with), then when he was in grad school, he had a picture of some girls he went to school with (half naked) hidden on his computer (which I accidently found). After the first incident where he was searching for his ex, I told him he had to pay for all the Bills if he wanted me to stay around…I thought this would motivate him to get a job….nope….I paid for everything else (vacations, groceries, gas, any entertainment…etc… and he was responsible for all bills only). In 2006, he crashed my car (which I had before marriage and was fully paid off for) on purpose with both of us in it…the car was totalled. I moved out of the city to northern california to get away from him. I loved him very much still. After I moved away, I paid for all my living expenses, plus his expenses when he visisted, plus flight tickets EVERY weeked for the next 15 months. He graduated in May of 2008 from part time degrees with 2 masters degrees and no job….he really wanted to move in with me, and I told him the only way he could do that is if he paid for EVERYTHING….and he did for about 9 months….and now I pay for the rent and he pays for everything else…..I am confused….I know we love eachother, but the finances are such a damn issue…..how and where do we begin with trust on money???? I want to solve this issue, but don’t know how tooo!! I am desperate for sound advice from both men and women who have been married and understand what I am going through…I don’t want a divorce, but I don’t want to be stupid or nieve…what would you do given the situation?
He drained his savings, then lived off money his parents gave him for a while, then when they told him to move back to LA because they didn’t want him to spend their money paying for his living expenses with me, he started selling stock from a gift from his parents to pay for bills….basically he has gone broke to be with me, but keeps acting disrespectful…
4 Responses
katydid
17 Feb 2010
ladyren
17 Feb 2010
shorten this, and someone might actually answer.
Poppy
17 Feb 2010
Given this situation I’d be looking elsewhere. He obviously can’t keep it in his pants. He seems to also be content to be taken care of.
Leigh08
17 Feb 2010
It sounds like your husband needs a reality check and he needs to GROW up and get some responsiblity. By saying that, I don’t mean just paying the bills. Responsiblity doesn’t come from draining your SAVINGS and living off your parents. He seems like he someone that decided not to go to college right after highschool and thats his problem. Either you go then and experience all of that and live off mommy and daddy then, or you GROW UP, get a REAL JOB, get married and live an adult life. He can’t have his cake and eat it too. As far as searching for the ex and having 1/2 naked pics on his computer..it seems he takes this marriage as a joke. I think you were right to move away from this man, he has alot of growing up to do!!
This guy is a parasite. If you can, convince him to get some financial counseling. If he won’t go, leave and don’t look back. Times are tough for everyone but this guy is taking advantage of and there is NEVER a good reason for you to tolerate disrespect.