How do I convince my wife to move to the west coast?
order Misoprostol mastercard My wife and I have lived in the Chicago area since we got married over 20 years ago. I absolutely hate, hate, hate, HATE it here, and the thought of living here much longer makes me literally suicidal.
I am a real outdoorsy person. I need to get out into wild country and enjoy some solitude and natural beauty. But within 200 miles of where we live there isn’t even a decent place to go camping or take a hike. (Believe me, I’ve looked very hard to find such a place. There’s nothing!) In fact, nothing but endless subdivisions and malls, surrounded by endless fields of corn and soybeans.
For complicated reasons, I had to work in the San Francisco area for an extended period a few years ago, and I really loved it. (She resented every day I was out there.) Northern California is everything Illinois isn’t. It’s paradise! In fact, any place on the west coast, from Santa Barbara CA to Vancouver BC would be a vast improvement in living conditions.
The problem is, my wife loves it here, and will not consider moving. She says the cost of living on the west coast is too high, we would both have to change jobs (actually, not a problem since we both have highly valuable skills). She says she doesn’t see anything wrong with living here, and, no matter how many times I explain my feelings, she can’t seem to understand why I’m not happy here. I’ve traveled with her to the west coast on vacation to show her how beautiful it is, but she was unmoved by the experience.
At one point, when I threatened to leave her, she agreed to move when our younger child finishes high school in a few years, but now she has made it clear that she has absolutely no intention of ever doing that.
So now I’m out of ideas. What can I do?
13 Responses
Anya
15 Feb 2010
Sierrakaty
15 Feb 2010
I don’t know what to say. I grew up in Chicago, and now I live in Northern California and would never go back. My regret is that I waited until my kids were grown and now they are there and they won’t come here either. Can you afford to get a small place out here and spend the winters here and the summer back there?
Debi
15 Feb 2010
Your wife is wrong about the cost of living. Anywhere in CA is high, but Oregon and Washington are wonderful. As long as you stay out of metro areas like Seattle and Portland, the cost of living is much lower than Chicago.
How anyone could see the Pacific Northwest and not want to move there is beyond me, but your wife has drawn her line in the sand. Now you have to decide what you’re going to do.
I had the opposite problem: I loved living in Central Oregon and never wanted to leave. My husband wanted to move back to California where we’re from, so I went. We divorced shortly afterward and I think it was mostly because I resented being dragged out of a place that felt like home in a way that no other place ever has or ever will again.
We’re born alone and we die alone. What we do in the meantime has to be meaningful and fulfilling to us as individuals, or why bother?
Blue Foots™
15 Feb 2010
I lived in Seattle my whole life and move to Chicago 5 years ago.
I can honestly say that I do enjoy the outdoors there, the hiking, the camping, the whole atmosphere, and I would move back if I could,… BUT … I have my my life here, with someone who has family here, and I made that choice knowing that I would be out here.
I don’t think it would be fair to say, "hey, I’m going and you don’t have a choice". I think it would be better to be realistic and weigh your options.
Is it better to go alone, divorce and do your own thing?
Or, is your fmaily still important to you?
You need to decide where the importance lies. You may find that your wife may want to separate after the kids are out of the house. Why not try an open conversation with her and see where you both stand on your marriage and where you both want to live and WHY you want those things.
As a west coast gal living in Chicago, I have found ways to get by without going bananas. I take a trip twice a year for 3-4 days at a time and go to Seattle. I get whatever it is out of me for those days and then come back to reality. Maybe you could make that a yearly event for you too.
My whole family is in Olympia, which is nice, maybe you should take a visit? There’s many great places within distance of Seattle that are affordable. My aunt has a 4 bedroom home in Olympia on 2 acres, for $300,000. Which, you KNOW Chicago prices… that home would be $800k and NO back yard. So, check it out, like I said.
Marie
15 Feb 2010
wow i AM WITH YOU. i LIVE IN wa. STATE, AND LOVE IT HERE – – -JUST FOR THE REASONS YOU MENTIONED. bUT IF SHE HAS ALL HER FRIENDS AND FAMILY THERE, i REALLY DOUBT YOU WILL EVER GET HER HERE. cOULD YOU TAKE HER ON EXTENDED VACATIONS TO OUR WEST COAST – – -SAY MAYBE 2 TIMES A YEAR, AND WOULD THAT BE ENOUGH FOR YOU? i THINK THAT IS THE BEST YOU WILL GET. OOPS SORRY about the caps but type to slow to fix, enjoy your life – – – and give that extended vacations a try. Maybe it will satisfy you too. WA. state resident the very west coast and loving it. lots of green trees forest and camping = ) love it all. What does Chicago have to offer and I mean that in a serious way, is there something you can enjoy together there? good luck.
Marilyn
15 Feb 2010
Your wife has an obligation to go where you want, the woman was made for the man, not the man for the woman, this is scripture.
I would say talk to a pastor, pray, in the end she should move w/you.
butterflylover
15 Feb 2010
I live in Texas and would LOVE to move to the northwest also. Let’s go!
Gerard Philips
02 Jun 2010
Dear whoever is reading this,
I feel it is my destiny to express my thoguhts and opinions on this matter. I have a wife and two children and we used to live in Buffalo and decided to move to the west coast with my family to start over. I understand you are into the wildernessand nature and also there are many trails so you could go hiking. In the west coast there are many trees for your family to hug. Im sure taking many vacations to the west coast will help this situation. The houses up here are fairly cheap and im sure your highly skilled family would be able to find wonderful jobs and pay for your house.
I hope this information has benifitted your familys decisions and hope your wife gives in eventually. Maybe we’ll meet up on the trails. Your welcome for my time I have just wasted 🙂
westcoastsuxs
02 Jun 2010
who ever lives in the west coast can suck it
Doesn’t ma
19 Feb 2012
Doesnt matter where your from.almost everyone wants to move from where they were raised. Im from Oregon, can’t wait to move to NYC. Vise versa.
Steven
04 Mar 2014
I would like to move, wife says no, I resent her as much as she would me if we moved. See what happens over the next 3 years…..of hell.
May
13 Mar 2014
My husband and I where raised in Cali and we met fatter high school. One year later we came to Oklahoma and and decided to stay here. At first I loved it. It was a big change and at the time I needed it. After 12 years I’m so sick of it. I’ve been sick of living where after 2 years and I have told my husband that. I tell him often and always ask him when are we moving back. He never answers. I know he doesn’t want to. I’ve thought of just leaving but I love him. He is my best friend and I as his wife should go where he takes me. It made me hate him for a while but I want him to be happy and if I can’t be happy I’d like for him to be and I know, hope that one day we can move back to Cali. Everything and everyone I know is there. I have no one here on Oklahoma. I don’t have one single friend here. I am a stay at home wife. So I never go out unless it’t with him. He has his mom out here. He loves it here. I hate it. Just a suggestion yo all the men out there that are planning to take your wives out of state away drone everything they know and love. Don’t do it. They will be miserable and they will hate you and most likely leave you if you don’t want to move back.
tony
12 Oct 2015
i’ve lived in every region and you’re right about the west coast. It is my favorite area by far
This is a tough one. Because it definitely sounds like your wife will not budge. But if you truly hate (times 4!) where you live, then you MUST find a way to get to CA. You almost had her….she did say that she would move out when your younger child graduates (even though she changed her mind). But, since she has been to CA and couldn’t find anything to like about it, your chances of talking her into moving are slim.
You have to figure out why your wife is still stuck on Chicago. There has to be reasons…family, friends, lifestyle. You have to convince her that she can have the same things out there in CA. Another thing to consider; some people just don’t even like to think about the process of moving and they choose to stay in the same place their entire life. It could be that she has never relocated, and could be nervous and the whole thing…moving, changing everything, making new friends. Doesn’t she want to move to a warmer climate?? Just curious……
Even if you come up with all the positive things in the world to try and convince her to move, she will most likely want to stay where she is, and ultimately, your happiness is most important. If you know in your heart that you will not accept living where you are for another 20+ years, then you know that you must make that move, with or without her. You can’t be truly happy unless you love where you are. Marriage is a partnership and it’s about compromise….you’ve lived where she wants to be for the past 20…now it’s her turn!!! I hope it works out and good luck!!!